Let's talk about LOVE

Some of you have tagged to say you think that girls and guys can be best friends. I think it's quite difficult. Okay, let's define what 'best friend' means first. If someone is your best friend, s/he is probably the person you talk to the most; his/her name appears frequently on your hp's call list; you share common interests and hobbies with him/her; you go out with him/her a lot; the 2 of you understand each other a lot. Well, I think it's rare if you can say that of a girl and guy, unless it's of the 'buddies' sort. Of course a girl and guy can be good friends, but best friends? Nah, I'm sceptical!

Okay, now to the main topic...

We are going to talk about love today. In case you are sticking out your tongue and feeling squeamish, relax. This is going to be very objective and healthy.

Teenagers often confuse love and infatuation. Infatuation is also known as puppy love or 'crush'. Sometimes, teenagers think that they are in love, when in actual fact, they are only experiencing puppy love.

So what's the difference between PUPPY LOVE and TRUE LOVE?

Signs of puppy love
1. You can't stop thinking about the other person
2. You feel inexplicably sad and distracted when s/he is not around
3. You feel that life is meaningless if you don't see him/her
4. You fall in and out of puppy love very quickly

Signs of true love
1. It is unconditional. You don't love to 'feel good'
2. You are willing to sacrifice/undergo some inconveniences and discomforts for love
3. You plan for your future with your loved one
4. You don't fall in and out of true love very quickly

As you can see, the major difference between puppy love and true love is that you can get infatuated with someone very quickly, just by something nice the other person say to you for example, or for some other superficial reason, such as an attraction to some physical characteristic of the other person (He has a nice smile...she is so pretty etc). However, it takes time and cultivation for 2 person to truly fall in love.

Teenagers who think of pairing up too early should consider these.

1. Why have a bf/gf so early? You should get to know more members of the opposite sex, be friends with them, go out with a group of mixed company before considering a serious relationship.

2. Being in a serious relationship costs lots of time and money. Will you neglect your studies? Is it burning a hole in your pocket?

Well, for me, I think the ideal is:

in your secondary school years, you should focus on your studies and make more same-sex friends (I think that of all the friends you make in your various schools, those from sec school tend to stay with you for life),

in junior college, you will have lots of opportunity to know more people of the opposite sex. don't rush into things and weigh consequences wisely. but don't forget the A level exams. it is not an easy exam,

in university, you should be wise enough and it's the best time to think of pairing up. ideally, you should pair up with the eventual aim to get married. that way, you will be responsible and serious, and not merely 'having fun' or 'feeling good'.

Well, for your interest, the Greeks defined for us 5 kinds of love, they are:

Eros, which is passionate love, to do with the senses and the physical
Philia, which is the love and loyalty you feel for your friends
Storge, which is the natural love parents feel for their children
Xenia, which is the love and hospitality a host feel for his guest/visitor
Agape, which is unconditional, self-sacrificing and thoughtful love

There is also a famous passage in the Bible where the Apostle Paul defines love as such:

'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.'

This is from the book of 1st Corinthians Chapter 13 verses 4-7. This is really a great kind of love, if anyone can love like that, s/he would be really noble. So which of the 5 kinds of love as defined by the Greeks does this biblical definition of love fall into?

Plenty of deep stuff today, hope it gives you some food for thought!